Engagement, Sans Agenda

In the dictionary, there are many meanings of the words “engagement” or “to engage.” These can range from a marriage proposal, to entering into a conflict, or a contract between two parties. But the description relevant to this discussion is that of enjoying and being fully vested in communication with another.

In this busy and competitive day and age, I seem to go from one networking event to another where I find myself (and the people I meet) sussing each other out for potential work opportunities or contacts. These events are always so hurried.

Last week, I went to a little gathering with four other people affiliated with a U.S.-based service group. Though we shared the same interest in serving our communities, we had not met each other previously. We came from different backgrounds and age groups. Whilst at first I worried we may not have much to talk about, I found myself completely engaged in the conversation and stories. We were not sizing each other up for work, or trying to pigeonhole each other. Instead, we simply listened and conversed. Discussions ranged from the IRA campaign in London and the experience of living through that time; to moving from Washington State to Rome to Nairobi; to the subtleties of living in Africa. What I noticed the most was how calm, comfortable and engaged I felt. It was so nice to just be.

I was reminded of a trip I took to India a year ago. On passing through Old Delhi and I saw a group of men, who clearly lived on the streets, sitting on the side of the road and engaging in conversation. Though their situation was much more destitute we could ever imagine, the smiles on their faces reflected the pure joy they seemed to receive from each other. I remember being amazed by their happiness and engagement in that present moment.

This all has made me consider the notion that some of us forget to relish the company of others, sans agenda. Technological advances have transformed our mode of communication into rapid snippets, just to stay ahead, and sometime I feel we can be deprived of the beauty of long conversations and time spent enjoying each other’s company.

I am not saying that we should turn back the clock of time. I only hope that we consider just being with new friends, engaging in conversations, and not feeling guilty about doing so! It’s not a waste of time – I would hasten to say that it only enhances our ability to listen to and appreciate others. It gives us the space to step back, enjoy and maybe see new experiences available to us all.

I’d love to hear your takes on this idea. When was the last time you simply engaged with others, sans agenda?