Sweeping Your Side of the Street

Excerpt from "Give YourSelf Permission to Live Your Life", by Priya Rana Kapoor
Chapter Seven: Give YourSelf Permission to Take Back Your Life

I often ask clients if they have “swept their side of the street”. If we envision our lives as a row of houses, we can imagine how each occupant is only responsible for clearing autumn leaves or snow from the area in front of their own property. They might look disapprovingly at the mess in front of the house across the street, but its upkeep isn’t really any of their business, and it certainly isn’t their responsibility. We can always help our neighbours, but we cannot do their work for them. If the mess is in someone else’s front yard, legally we’re not even allowed to go onto their property without permission!

When issues arise in our lives, we need to ask ourselves if we’ve done whatever is most responsible in the given situation. Have we taken control over those elements that are within our circle of control? Have we done what we’re supposed to do in a way that’s consistent with what we believe to be important?

When we’re able to take responsibility for our own lives and sweep our side of the street, life becomes more manageable. As we spend less time wrestling with the mess outside other people’s houses, it becomes easier for us to be more authentic as our real selves and to be proud to invite others over for a barbecue in our yard.

Once I understood that I was making decisions for myself based on others’ circumstances and desires, I started to look around and pay attention to what I would like to do. I decided I wanted to move back to London from Los Angeles. I wouldn’t be a less responsible daughter and granddaughter if I no longer ran around trying to organise every aspect of other people’s lives. In fact, I could be a better daughter and granddaughter by being responsible for myself. I could stop blaming my family situation for the things that I perceived as being wrong with my life, and I could love and support my family members from a position of trust. I could trust them to care for themselves and ask for help when they needed it. I would always be there for them. At the same time, I had to trust in myself to make the decisions that were right for me. It was such a relief to take personal responsibility, to sweep my side of the street and to leave others to maintain their own properties.

www.GYSPermission.com

Leadership - Who should we really be leading?

In his book "Aspire" Kevin Hall equates the meaning of a “leader” to that of a “pathfinder”.  That really resonates with me. We are all finding our path in life and sometimes some of us inspire others to come along for the journey. I believe that we are all leaders in our own lives, first and foremost. We have a responsibility to lead our own personal journey before we seek to lead others.

Similarly, if we don't find our own path then we are not taking responsibility for ourselves. If we do what other people think we should do, or what we feel they think we should do, we are allowing them to be responsible for our lives; they become our pathfinders. This so often happens when people do what they think their parents or society want them to do and they end up on a journey they didn’t want to be on. They are then ambling down someone else's path.

Some “leaders” entice people to follow them by instilling fear – in my opinion they are called tyrants. Once in a while, however, we find people who are journeying down an amazing path they have found or created.  They inspire us to walk with them, and we do so, without any feelings of doubt, resistance or friction. In fact we learn much from them. We walk with them because we are excited to see what happens and where the path is going to lead.  Often these people are looked up to as THE leader but in actuality true leaders and pathfinders need other leaders to get through the jungle.

I often visualize the journey of life as an expedition through a thick, green, lush forest, with hanging trees and roots to trip over.  It’s an amazing place full of vibrancy and beauty but, at times, needs to be navigated with care and diligence. Some people have the vision or knowledge of what is on the other side and they know what's possible; others are really good with directions and they are the ones who read the maps, hold the compass and find the best path. Some have physical strength and experience of the terrain and know how to choose the right branch to chop aside so the path can be cleared, and be passable.

So you see we all have our jobs, within our skill sets, as leaders.  In an ideal world we choose the path we want to go on and know the duties within the leadership team. 

As I see it ­– we all have a responsibility to be the pathfinder in our own lives; if we happen to inspire others to walk the journey with us then that is a privilege and a responsibility not to be taken lightly.