Give YourSelf Permission to Have FUN

Do you sometimes think, “Well, I just don’t have the time to have fun”, “I don’t want to seem silly or frivolous,” or “Having fun makes no money”?

If so, what happens then? Do you have fun anyhow? Or negate that side of you?

Now consider how you feel after having had a little fun, a good laugh, or a wild dance? How do your mind and body feel at this point? I suspect you might feel lighter, calmer, and maybe even freer.

Many people feel that having fun is a waste of time or that they shouldn’t be taking the time out. In the conventional workplace, having fun is seen as goofing off or unproductive. Increasingly, however, many of the new companies, especially technology companies like Google and Yahoo! have come to see that it’s good to encourage play and, in fact, it increases productivity.

I cannot tell you how many clients look at me blankly when I ask them what they do for fun. They have no idea, and when pressed to come up with something, they squirm in their seats and often show real resistance to giving themselves permission to even think of doing something for themselves. This is when I ask them to tell me what they used to do for fun when they were younger, less busy and had fewer responsibilities. Finally, they remember something, a flicker of recognition crosses their faces and they visibly relax.

Exercise: Fun

What did you use to do that made you happy? Something that was a lot of fun? Is there an element of whatever it was that you could take and blend with your current lifestyle? What would the activity look like now? What actions would you need to take to make this fun activity happen?

So, are you willing to give fun a go and not feel guilty about it? Many find they’re far more productive at home and work after having had a little fun and are more engaged with those around them. So, why not go out and make fun be your priority this holiday season?

Exercise: Putting YourSelf First

Think of a few times when you put other people’s needs before your own or have not done what was in your best interest because you thought something or someone else mattered more than you. Now identify what would have been in your best interest and why. Last, assess whether your actions have truly hurt anyone. 

For instance: Your friend likes this guy and has dragged you to five events this month alone to see him. He has no interest in her, and you’re starting to get embarrassed, but you want to support your friend and you want her to like you. Now she wants you to go to another party. It’s coming up to finals time and you have exams in some of your most difficult subjects. You really should study because you really need to get top grades so you can keep your scholarship. Your usual self, the one that’s telling you that you don’t matter as much as she does, would go to the party. If you did, you would essentially be saying to yourself and others and that you felt your friend’s needs were more important more than yours. This is where the cycle of disrespecting yourself starts, and in doing so, you’re also giving others permission to disrespect you. In reality, your friend has other people to go with (and even if she doesn’t, that’s not your responsibility), and she’s actually just bullying you. It’s up to you to be responsible for how your life turns out, and that exam could be a huge part of that! 

So, make an inventory of when you put others’ needs first when you probably should have prioritised your own. With just a little insight into when you’re putting others’ worth relative to your own and with some idea about when you can better support yourself, you’ll be able to think and, hopefully, recognise that you matter. You are going to have to make a conscious effort at first. Some frustrations may surface as you realise when you’ve been giving your personal power away, but hold hard and don’t get upset, as it’s just not worth it.

Excerpt from "Give YourSelf Permission to Live Your Life", by Priya Rana Kapoor available on www.GYSPermission.com, Amazon and local retailers.