Celebrate Your Achievements

Many people just don’t take the time to stop and acknowledge what they have achieved. It could be a very small accomplishment or a huge deal, but if we don’t stop and take stock of it, we’re essentially telling ourselves that what we’ve done doesn’t matter, that it’s not worthy of acknowledgement or celebration.

 Now, I’m not talking balloons and cake (well, not always) but some sort of private or personal acknowledgement. Some people buy themselves a little trinket or that fancy vacuum they’ve been coveting. Others get a massage or have that very special glass of champagne with friends or co-workers.

The focus here is to take the time to praise yourself. When the mind and body get that positive reinforcement, they’ll like it and will want more. You’ll find it will become easier to do whatever it is you’ve set your mind to because you’re kind to yourself when you reach your goals or achievements.

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Jedi Mind Tricks

Jedi Mind Tricks

Star Wars is probably one of my favourite films, and when working on intention, I often suggest that my clients use Jedi mind tricks. This is in reference to the scene in the film when the Stormtroopers are looking for two specific droids and Obi-Wan Kenobi, a Jedi Knight, is able to deflect them simply by using the Jedi mind tricks and saying with great conviction and influence, “These are not the droids you are looking for.” Through his sureness alone, he’s able to convince the Stormtroopers that it’s true, that those are not the droids they were looking for, when in fact, they were.

Holding on to your intention throughout both setting goals and taking action is very important. To have intention for a particular conversation or negotiation, for instance, is to be laser focused on the desired outcome. If you’re clear on that, you’ll be better able to recognize any and all available opportunities to achieve it.

When you’re going into a situation that you’re unsure of or nervous about, you can apply a Jedi mind trick and draw confidence from your intention. I’ve learned that when I focus on positive outcomes and hold the intention for them, good things happen much more often.

Carlos: A Story of the Jedi Mind Trick in Action

As an example, one of my clients, Carlos, was about to buy a house but felt that the seller needed to lower the price by £50K (c.$80K) to reflect remedial works that needed to be carried out. He was anxious about the meeting that had been arranged, and we discussed it in preparation. I asked him what his intention for the meeting was.

“Well, to get a lower price,” he said.

“Why does the house warrant a lower price?” I asked.

He explained about all the work the house needed and how he felt that justified an appropriate price reduction.

“Okay,” I said. “You know what you want and why. Exactly what is the intention for this meeting?”

“To get the seller to approve a £50K reduction in the cost of the property because I’m going to have to spend that on things that should have already been done.”

“Are you comfortable that that figure is appropriate?”

“Yes,” he said.

“Right, then,” I said. “So you know what you want to do with this conversation. Keep that intention at the forefront of your mind. Your intention is ‘I want this person to take off £50K’. Go and look the seller in the eye and think, ‘I want to pay £50K less’, and actually hold the full price you want to pay in your mind.”

Carlos got the discount, bought the house, did a year’s worth of renovations, and moved in. 

The FORCE was strong in that one! 

Give YourSelf Permission to Have FUN

Do you sometimes think, “Well, I just don’t have the time to have fun”, “I don’t want to seem silly or frivolous,” or “Having fun makes no money”?

If so, what happens then? Do you have fun anyhow? Or negate that side of you?

Now consider how you feel after having had a little fun, a good laugh, or a wild dance? How do your mind and body feel at this point? I suspect you might feel lighter, calmer, and maybe even freer.

Many people feel that having fun is a waste of time or that they shouldn’t be taking the time out. In the conventional workplace, having fun is seen as goofing off or unproductive. Increasingly, however, many of the new companies, especially technology companies like Google and Yahoo! have come to see that it’s good to encourage play and, in fact, it increases productivity.

I cannot tell you how many clients look at me blankly when I ask them what they do for fun. They have no idea, and when pressed to come up with something, they squirm in their seats and often show real resistance to giving themselves permission to even think of doing something for themselves. This is when I ask them to tell me what they used to do for fun when they were younger, less busy and had fewer responsibilities. Finally, they remember something, a flicker of recognition crosses their faces and they visibly relax.

Exercise: Fun

What did you use to do that made you happy? Something that was a lot of fun? Is there an element of whatever it was that you could take and blend with your current lifestyle? What would the activity look like now? What actions would you need to take to make this fun activity happen?

So, are you willing to give fun a go and not feel guilty about it? Many find they’re far more productive at home and work after having had a little fun and are more engaged with those around them. So, why not go out and make fun be your priority this holiday season?

'Give YourSelf Permission to Live Your Life' by Priya Rana Kapoor, Author Video

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Why it is Not Selfish to Take Care of Yourself First

Excerpt from "Give YourSelf Permission to Live Your Life" by Priya Rana Kapoor
Chapter Three: The Permission Journey

We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same. —Carlos Castaneda

The ultimate purpose of this book is to give you the space, desire, and tools to give yourself permission to live your life.

Giving yourself permission means allowing yourself to think and do what you think is best for yourself. People consistently balk at this comment. Many of my clients say, “I can’t just think of myself; I have my children to worry about,” or “It’s not all about me; my parents would be so disappointed.” They often worry that they’ll be seen as selfish and often truly believe that they are being self-centred.

I would like to challenge that thinking. When you go on a plane and the safety announcement says that in case of emergency, you should put on your oxygen mask before helping others. Why do you think they say that?

Imagine a scenario in which a mother sees her oxygen mask drop in front of her face and knows that the flight attendant has instructed her to put hers on first. Instead, she looks over at her small child and decides to reach for his first. He is vulnerable; he needs her help. She takes the time to unbuckle her belt and reach over. Her son is upset and reaching for her, squirming in his seat. She has to tussle with him before she can pull down his oxygen mask, and doing so has taken a lot of time; too much, in fact. The grim reality is that she could pass out due to lack of oxygen and become incapable of helping him put his mask on. Even if the child is still conscious, he probably isn’t able to reach the mask and doesn’t even know what to do with it. They may both die, utterly needlessly.

This depressing analogy highlights that it is imperative for you to take care of yourself before helping others, for their sake as much as yours. And that means allowing yourself to figure out what taking care of yourself means. When we take care of ourselves, we make ourselves strong enough to take care of others.



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Don't Compare Your Insides with Everyone Else's Outsides

Excerpt from "Give YourSelf Permission to Live Your Life" by Priya Rana Kapoor
Chapter Ten : Give YourSelf Permission to Have Healthy Relationships.

Often, we look at the people around us and think that they have it better than we do or that they've been given more advantages in the form of privileges and luxuries than we have. We might have feelings of envy, which can be damaging, undermining, and insidious and can only function to make us feel bad about ourselves in the long run.

When my former husband and I first met, he gave me one of the best pieces of advice I have ever received; I have never forgotten it, and I am often grateful to him for his wise words.

"Priya, " he said, "don't compare your insides with everyone else's outsides. "

I think that we've all found ourselves comparing what we know about our lives to what we think is going on with the lives of others. Often we look at their outsides and assume everything is great without considering that there just might be a whole other layer of thoughts, insecurities, hopes, fears, shortcomings, health issues, pain, abuse, wishes, or desires that they don't share with everyone else. When we compare ourselves to all of their glitz, it's easy to see ourselves as coming up short. We look at celebrities or business tycoons, school friends or relatives and think that they've achieved so much more than we have.

"She has got it all, " we think. "She must be so happy!"

But what's really happening?

I suspect most people looking from the outside would have considered my family circumstances pretty much perfect, but, as I've already shared, the apparent fairy tale was quite inconsistent with the chaos we experienced behind closed doors. I rather begrudgingly felt that there were times when people thought, "Oh, the Kapoors have it all! Mum is young and glamorous; Dad is so sophisticated and handsome. Their children are lucky to be growing up in such a cosmopolitan, exciting environment!" In some respects we did have an adventurous life, but it was difficult.

Maybe your successful boss at work does sit in his fancy corner office all day long and go home at the end of a productive working day to his good-looking, happy wife and children, but perhaps he really wants to be doing something else entirely. Maybe he has high blood pressure from working long hours, constant fights with his wife, and exhausting kids who run riot all evening. Who really knows?

It's important that we see that we can only truly understand ourselves and that we need to focus on bettering our own lives rather than fixating on others'. With this understanding comes the recognition that, ultimately, we can only learn how to be really happy when we learn how to take personal responsibility for how we live and what we have control over.

The simple fact is that we just do not know what is going on in most other people's lives. The only person you will ever know completely, inside and out, is yourself.



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Remembering Nelson Mandela