Who's In Your Family?

We often consider the strength of a person’s character in terms of his or her relationship to his or her family.  Someone with strong family values, who is close to his or her family, is perceived to have admirable qualities.  But we all face diverse experiences, and our definitions of family are altered by the style of our upbringings.  A year and a half ago, I visited India for the first time with a stepbrother from my father’s side of the family. My father was from the Punjab. I had reunited with this brother only three years earlier and he just happens to be 25 years older than I.  His adult children had connected with me via Facebook, opening up a whole new side of my family.

My half brother graciously hosted me in New Delhi for two weeks.  I struggled with accepting his brotherly love and care, as it was quite foreign to me, but I appreciated it nonetheless. One day, as we were on our way to visit someone, I asked him who we were visiting, and he told me that we were going to see “our cousin.”  “Not really our cousin,” I thought aloud.  But he informed me that we were indeed going to see my cousin – her father had been my uncle!  The visit with my cousin was perfectly delightful, but I felt a slight detachment from this side of my family – this side of myself.  These were members of my family, because we were linked by blood.  But they were not the family I had grown up with, and they had not contributed as much to my growth and development.

My mum, sister, grandparents, my godparents and my best friend Kate and her family have been with me through thick and thin.  I learned my most important values from them, and they shaped the person I became.  The love I received from these people created my foundation.  The closeness I feel to them shapes my definition of my family – even though I am not related to my godparents or to Kate and her family by blood.  There is no question I think of them as family.

My intern is fond of the idea that friends are the family we choose.  We are shaped by love, not necessarily blood, though of course there is great importance in biological family as well.  Unfortunately, in some cases biological families are not `always the best people for us.  Those who provide us the love and support we need through many different times become a different sort of family.  This family’s love gives us strength to take responsibility for ourselves and grow forward with confidence.  Ultimately, our family is whomever we decide it is. 

Make Your 2013 Vision Board - 7 Easy Steps

Simply put, a Vision Board is a poster size “collage” of images and words which depicts the vision you have for your life. It is not an arts and crafts project. I encourage many of my clients, both male and female, to use this technique to access goals, values, actions and needs they sometimes find difficult to articulate verbally or in the written word. The Vision Board is the end product of an intuitive and creative process that can be enjoyed and referred back to when you need focus or encouragement.

I’ve seen articles about what “right” way to make  vision board, but I don’t think there is a right or wrong way, it’s a very individual project and you need to find the way that works for you.

The key to a good Vision Board is be open to whatever comes up, trust your instincts, pay attention to the process of making it and have fun. I also would say think big, most of my clients limit themselves by thinking too small.

Step1:

Develop a clear idea of what you want this specific Vision Board to represent (e.g. work goals for 2013, parenting goals, giving or service goals, self-care goals, life goals, health goals etc. etc.-or everything together). My intention was to have a board that represented what I wanted for my work in 2013. I knew I wanted to get my book published in 2013, but there was nothing too clear beyond that. However by doing the board all the supporting actions became apparent.

Step 2:

Choose about 4 or 5 magazines you think are interesting and relevant to your 2013 goals. Don’t think too hard; just pick the ones which jump out at you. Also pick a board in any colour that takes your fancy.

Step 3:

Go through the magazines and just rip out the pages with images, titles and quotes that speaks to you, or evokes some positive or empowering emotion or feeling. Also, keep your focus on the intention for the board. In this case what you want for your life in 2013. Again, don’t think too hard, just keep ripping, you can always triage later. I would suggest doing this in one sitting to get momentum. You will know when you have enough material.

Step 4:

Mock up or find online anything imperative to the board you did not find in the magazines. I (tentatively) mocked up a cover of the book and added the desired publisher’s logo to the cover. I also found a 2013 header I liked and I would suggest adding a picture of yourself as it puts you in the scenario and vision.

Step 5:

Cut out everything you found from the ripped pages. Start to look at what you chose and see if there is anything that surprises you or if there are patterns emerging. By looking at some of the phrases I had chosen I started to see that it was time for me to take real, strong and meaningful action.

Step 6:

Start pasting the images onto the board. I sometimes find the larger images can anchor the corners and then smaller images can overlap the larger. Take your time with this, but I would suggest doing this in one sitting too. You will start to see themes and groupings and you can paste relevant images together. It really is up to you and what makes sense to you.

Step 7:

Admire your work, focus on your intention and understand what your actions need to be to realize your goals. Some of the images evoke a feeling or thought for you but may mean something different to others, but don’t worry... it’s your board and you can show it, or hide it, from whomever you please.

If anyone wants to share their boards with me, I would love to see them. You can email them to me at priya@prkcoaching.com.

Happy Vision Boarding and Happy Planning!