Exercise: Putting YourSelf First

Think of a few times when you put other people’s needs before your own or have not done what was in your best interest because you thought something or someone else mattered more than you. Now identify what would have been in your best interest and why. Last, assess whether your actions have truly hurt anyone. 

For instance: Your friend likes this guy and has dragged you to five events this month alone to see him. He has no interest in her, and you’re starting to get embarrassed, but you want to support your friend and you want her to like you. Now she wants you to go to another party. It’s coming up to finals time and you have exams in some of your most difficult subjects. You really should study because you really need to get top grades so you can keep your scholarship. Your usual self, the one that’s telling you that you don’t matter as much as she does, would go to the party. If you did, you would essentially be saying to yourself and others and that you felt your friend’s needs were more important more than yours. This is where the cycle of disrespecting yourself starts, and in doing so, you’re also giving others permission to disrespect you. In reality, your friend has other people to go with (and even if she doesn’t, that’s not your responsibility), and she’s actually just bullying you. It’s up to you to be responsible for how your life turns out, and that exam could be a huge part of that! 

So, make an inventory of when you put others’ needs first when you probably should have prioritised your own. With just a little insight into when you’re putting others’ worth relative to your own and with some idea about when you can better support yourself, you’ll be able to think and, hopefully, recognise that you matter. You are going to have to make a conscious effort at first. Some frustrations may surface as you realise when you’ve been giving your personal power away, but hold hard and don’t get upset, as it’s just not worth it.

Excerpt from "Give YourSelf Permission to Live Your Life", by Priya Rana Kapoor available on www.GYSPermission.com, Amazon and local retailers.

5 Tips for a Happier Holiday Season!

IIt’s the end of November. Thanksgiving is almost upon us. Christmas is coming. 

Maybe you’re already dreading the turkey and pumpkin pie, the caroling and elves, the tinsel and bows. Maybe for you, Thanksgiving is a solid day spent in the kitchen, wrangling with a quirky oven to not to burn the stuffing, while crowds of family members mill around with growing appetites and shortening tempers. Christmas means a tangle of stress: shopping in heavy traffic, miserable weather, family tension, increased demands at work, an annoying profusion of green and red and “Ho Ho Ho!”s.

Unfortunately, for many of us, all we have to look forward to from the holidays is stress and failed expectations. We can so easily miss the joy of the season, and all the good things it has to offer. With this in mind, Give YourSelf Permission would like to present you with...

5 Tips for a Happier Holiday Season!

1) Take a Break! (GYSP to take care of yourself…)

Take a fireside, hot chocolate and/or wine evening to yourself. Turn off the TV, silence the phone, set down the iPad and turn on the Christmas tunes. In the busyness of the holidays, it becomes even more crucial to take time to rest. Doing so will make you better equipped to handle the additional demands. Harken to the words of “Winter Wonderland” and do some dreaming by the fire.

2) Let Aunt Viv make the turkey... (GYSP to know your values and delegate)

While you’re sitting by the fire, take the time to ask yourself what you want to get out of this holiday season. Identify your values, and act on them. Delegate the cooking responsibilities for the Thanksgiving meal instead of trying to do it all yourself. Don’t do all the Christmas shopping for your mom and siblings, let them chose their own gifts for the family. Identifying your strengths and wants and playing to them, as well as everyone else’s, is the quickest way to bring peace of mind in the hustle and bustle.

3) Send Christmas Cards online (GYSP to be brave, and make a change)

“Shocking!”, you might say. “They wouldn’t be Christmas Cards without a handwritten address and postage stamp.” However, companies such as American Greetings and Blue Mountain offer simple customizable Christmas eCards without a stop at the post office. Don’t be afraid to take advantage of modern technology and change traditions: this is the 21st century!

4) Watch It’s a Wonderful Life (GYSP to be happy and grateful)

This movie is an excellent reminder to live with a mindset of gratitude for all the delights of life. As 2014 draws to a close, look back on the year with a positive outlook, focusing on the highs instead of the lows. Let yourself be happy, and say “Thank you”. This will do worlds of good for your personal satisfaction.

5) Online Shopping (GYSP to build your Dream Team)

Save gas and time by doing your Christmas shopping online! Amazon and Ebay have skyrocketed in popularity in recent years, and offer fast and affordable (sometimes free!) shipping to consolidate your efforts. Or, better yet, don’t worry so much about buying more things to stockpile in the house––consider giving the gift of an experience: a family night at the movies, a fun date for frozen yogurt, a camping trip, or a girl’s only nails outing. Memories last longer than any wrapped present.

From the bottom of my heart, I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas. May your holidays be filled with peace, love and joy,

Warmly, 

Priya xxx

priya@prkcoaching.com

For more information visit  www.GYSPermission.com

How does egg freezing work and what are the benefits?

Now that Apple and Facebook have decided to pay for egg freezing for their female employees, I thought it might be time to resurrect this piece! What are your thoughts? Would love to start a discussion!

Priya Rana Kapoor on Giving Yourself Permission to Live Your Life-Author Talk

'Give YourSelf Permission to Live Your Life' by Priya Rana Kapoor, Author Video

For more information visit www.GYSPermission.com

Why it is Not Selfish to Take Care of Yourself First

Excerpt from "Give YourSelf Permission to Live Your Life" by Priya Rana Kapoor
Chapter Three: The Permission Journey

We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same. —Carlos Castaneda

The ultimate purpose of this book is to give you the space, desire, and tools to give yourself permission to live your life.

Giving yourself permission means allowing yourself to think and do what you think is best for yourself. People consistently balk at this comment. Many of my clients say, “I can’t just think of myself; I have my children to worry about,” or “It’s not all about me; my parents would be so disappointed.” They often worry that they’ll be seen as selfish and often truly believe that they are being self-centred.

I would like to challenge that thinking. When you go on a plane and the safety announcement says that in case of emergency, you should put on your oxygen mask before helping others. Why do you think they say that?

Imagine a scenario in which a mother sees her oxygen mask drop in front of her face and knows that the flight attendant has instructed her to put hers on first. Instead, she looks over at her small child and decides to reach for his first. He is vulnerable; he needs her help. She takes the time to unbuckle her belt and reach over. Her son is upset and reaching for her, squirming in his seat. She has to tussle with him before she can pull down his oxygen mask, and doing so has taken a lot of time; too much, in fact. The grim reality is that she could pass out due to lack of oxygen and become incapable of helping him put his mask on. Even if the child is still conscious, he probably isn’t able to reach the mask and doesn’t even know what to do with it. They may both die, utterly needlessly.

This depressing analogy highlights that it is imperative for you to take care of yourself before helping others, for their sake as much as yours. And that means allowing yourself to figure out what taking care of yourself means. When we take care of ourselves, we make ourselves strong enough to take care of others.



www.GYSPermission.com

Sweeping Your Side of the Street

Excerpt from "Give YourSelf Permission to Live Your Life", by Priya Rana Kapoor
Chapter Seven: Give YourSelf Permission to Take Back Your Life

I often ask clients if they have “swept their side of the street”. If we envision our lives as a row of houses, we can imagine how each occupant is only responsible for clearing autumn leaves or snow from the area in front of their own property. They might look disapprovingly at the mess in front of the house across the street, but its upkeep isn’t really any of their business, and it certainly isn’t their responsibility. We can always help our neighbours, but we cannot do their work for them. If the mess is in someone else’s front yard, legally we’re not even allowed to go onto their property without permission!

When issues arise in our lives, we need to ask ourselves if we’ve done whatever is most responsible in the given situation. Have we taken control over those elements that are within our circle of control? Have we done what we’re supposed to do in a way that’s consistent with what we believe to be important?

When we’re able to take responsibility for our own lives and sweep our side of the street, life becomes more manageable. As we spend less time wrestling with the mess outside other people’s houses, it becomes easier for us to be more authentic as our real selves and to be proud to invite others over for a barbecue in our yard.

Once I understood that I was making decisions for myself based on others’ circumstances and desires, I started to look around and pay attention to what I would like to do. I decided I wanted to move back to London from Los Angeles. I wouldn’t be a less responsible daughter and granddaughter if I no longer ran around trying to organise every aspect of other people’s lives. In fact, I could be a better daughter and granddaughter by being responsible for myself. I could stop blaming my family situation for the things that I perceived as being wrong with my life, and I could love and support my family members from a position of trust. I could trust them to care for themselves and ask for help when they needed it. I would always be there for them. At the same time, I had to trust in myself to make the decisions that were right for me. It was such a relief to take personal responsibility, to sweep my side of the street and to leave others to maintain their own properties.

www.GYSPermission.com